Champagne's on ice, cigars are teasing lips and salmon and cream cheese sandwiches are balanced on platters. Let the sadistic relegation party, that's admittedly been long-awaited, commence! We're glad you filled in your RSVP slip after months of endless humming and hawing. What a shitshow of a season this has been in the so-called majesty of the Premier League, aye?
3rd April 2019
Fulham's late capitulation at the King Power Stadium completely summarises our abysmal return to the Premier League. It really doesn't matter who's in charge, the Cottagers simply don't have what it takes to compete and thrive in the planet's most cutthroat division on a weekly basis. There were glimmers of sanguine in brief spells against Leicester City, but the Foxes stalked the Whites throughout and pounced without mercy.
10th March 2019
I can't recall a time where I've been this satisfied after a defeat. Let Chelsea have their empty bragging rights, Fulham have been gifted a new lease of life and it's all thanks to Scott Parker's divine conception. Perhaps I'm getting a little too far ahead of myself, again, but I sincerely hope that we proceed to test our remaining opponents with the same level of courage, resolve and diligence.
3rd March 2019
The axe has been looming. "Dilly ding, dilly dong", the bells tolled for Claudio Ranieri on Thursday afternoon. Following Fulham's dismal 2-0 defeat against fellow stragglers Southampton on Wednesday night, the desultory Italian's toilsome tenure down by the river is now, finally, no more. Stubborn, chaotic, vilified, the 'Tinker Man' was climatically destined for the chop.
28th February 2019
There's an uprising afoot and we Fulhamish lads want you, yes you, to join our movement. Alright, we're not inciting violence, abuse or nuclear warfare, but we as vehement, impassioned supporters of London's Originals have to take a stand as one irrepressible resistance. This 2018-19 campaign has been an abomination, truly, and after Friday night's deplorable 3-1 defeat against West Ham United, it's time to be heard by the masses and the dismissive powers that be.
23rd February 2019
Restless with anticipation, January's transfer deadline day promised a cyclone of conjecture and speculation. A multitude of noteworthy names surfaced in the dying hours and tensions were soaring. A beguiling whirlwind of dubious ifs, buts and maybes.
14th February 2019
If you squint at a picture of Claudio Ranieri, you'll notice that he resembles a certain someone. An individual that also dons thick framed spectacles with a shock of grey hair. Twigged it? No matter what angle or perspective you glance at the dumbfounded Italian, shuddering comparisons of Felix Magath creep into the forefront of our vision.
11th February 2019
Gravity's a killer. Sniped from a great height by Roy Hodgson's Crystal Palace, Claudio Ranieri's Fulham swiftly reacquainted themselves with the earth's crust after sidling through a Premier League fixture that they simply had to win or draw at the very least. We thought that we'd turned a corner following Tuesday's heroics against Brighton & Hove Albion, but this campaign evidently has many chicanes to scale in Nürburgring proportions.
4th February 2019