Predicting the rest of the Premier League season
What better way to waste some of our three-week break?
There’s still no Fulham for 16 days. As I said on this week’s pod, it’s the perfect time to kick back, relax, get those jobs done around the house… or maybe it’s the perfect time to sit down and predict the rest of the Premier League campaign, week by week, to see if we’ll finish in the top seven.
Can we make it? Take a walk with me. It all starts at Anfield on 11 April.
Matchweek 32: Liverpool 2-0 Fulham
Yes, we have an extended break thanks to our FA Cup exit. Yes, Liverpool have tough fixtures against City in the aforementioned cup and PSG in the Champions League. And yes, they’re not the Liverpool that won the league last term, but they’re still pretty good at Anfield this season, losing just three times. Salah kick-starts his Liverpool retirement tour with a goal here as we fail to follow up on our win before the break.
We finish the weekend three points off Brentford in seventh, who manage a point a the GTech against fellow Conference League chasers Everton - which is the perfect result for us. Sadly, Brighton pick up an expected three points at Burnley and Newcastle smash Palace to put four sides ahead of us.
Here’s how the table looks.
Matchweek 33: Brentford 0-0 Fulham
Jack Collins dubs this derby “must not lose”. And we don’t, but we probably could have done with a win here. Nevertheless, it’s a resolute performance away from home that keeps us in the hunt, albeit towards the back of the pack.
Brighton are now the side in form, having toppled relegation-threatened Spurs on their own patch. But sixth has now also opened up, with Rosenior’s Chelsea continuing to flounder. Bournemouth pick up a statement win on the road against Newcastle, leaving just five points between sixth and 13th.
Matchweek 34: Fulham 1-0 Aston Villa
Rejoice! We’re not dead yet. It’s a nervy afternoon at Craven Cottage, reminiscent of 2007/08 when a Jimmy Bullard free-kick capped a comeback against the Villains in the early stages of the great escape. This time substitute Rodrigo Muniz grabs the glory in an upset against the Champions League chasers. He finally gets his first goal since returning from injury, heading home on 83 minutes, having come on as a second-half sub.
We needed that win, with Bournemouth, Everton, Brighton and even Sunderland picking up three points. It’s annoying that the victory doesn’t shift the table too much, but we’re in touching distance with three games left.
Matchweek 35: Arsenal 2-0 Fulham
This is where it looks like a bridge too far. Eberechi Eze marks his return to the Gunners following his injury lay-off with a brace that sees Arsenal put one hand on the Premier League trophy (with Man City’s game with Crystal Palace yet to be rescheduled). While the press purr about how Eze’s return will help England this summer, we’re left feeling like our season is all-but over.
Brighton, despite a draw at Newcastle, remain the best of the rest, picking up at just the right time. Bar a Brentford win, other results go our way, but Sunderland are proving to be an irritant, picking up points and keeping us in the bottom half of the table. Our tough fixtures relative to our European football-chasing rivals is starting to hamper us. The maximum points total we can achieve now is 57. It’d be our best total ever, but probably not good enough.
Matchweek 36: Fulham 5-0 Bournemouth
Finally, someone gets a paddlin’. In a gloriously sunny afternoon at the Cottage, Marco Silva’s Fulham finally click, putting media darlings Bournemouth to the sword in their heaviest defeat of the season. Braces from Jimenez and Harry Wilson, alongside a much-needed goal from Samu Chukwueze punctuate a brilliant performance that leaves everyone asking why we don’t see it every week.
It’s a hell of a day all round for the Whites, with results going our way all over the gaff. It might not be enough for Europe, but it sure helps our top half aspirations.
Matchweek 37: Wolves 0-2 Fulham
We couldn’t, could we?
A comprehensive away win against the basement boys really puts the cat among the pigeons as we win two games on the trot. Goals from Iwobi and Muniz either side of half time equal our highest ever Premier League points total and sets up a blockbuster final day.
That’s because no fewer than four sides sit on 54 points, with Chelsea a point ahead in sixth. It’s anyone’s game going into the last day of the season. Our goal difference isn’t the best of the bunch, but we are at home in matchweek 38.
Matchweek 38: Fulham 3-4 Newcastle
The final Fulhamish sucker punch. In an absolutely heartbreaking end of the campaign, a 94th-minute Anthony Gordon goal gives Newcastle a win in a topsy-turvy end-of-season humdinger. Unfortunately for us, it denies us Europe at the death. The silence in the stands is deafening as the away end goes wild.
Unbelievably, a point would have secured it, with our rivals all floundering as the final day does what the final day does - throw up all sorts of weird results. Chelsea, Brighton, Brentford and Everton all lose, leaving it as you were from sixth to 10th.
We finish on the exact same total as last season, and we finish above the Bees, but nothing mitigates the feeling of pure sickness evoked from that final kick of the final game.
Elsewhere, Spurs snap out of of their stupor with a gutsy 1-0 home win to pull away from the bottom three and even finish above Leeds, who fall to West Ham. The win for the Hammers isn’t enough, as news filters through at the London stadium that Forest have withstood a late Bournemouth onslaught to gain a point and stay up by virtue of goal difference.
So, there you have it. This article probably should have included a trigger warning, but we all know what it’s like following the Fulham, so you should have all known.
What was the point in all this? I’ve no idea. But I think it shows that anything is possible in these final seven games, and it is conservative to think that we could be in for a grandstand finish.
Rest up for the next 16 days guys - we’ll certainly need all our energy.